Holy Time Lapse!!!

I can't even tell you what in the heck happened the last 4 months! I was so gung ho about blogging at least once a week and blah blah blah.. I'm trying y'all I really am! I have SO much to update and talk about and SO many blogs started that I have great intentions of finishing but haven't, which I have come to realize is a GIANT problem in my life and it's made even worse with the fact that as my back gets better, I'm able to accomplish more in my time, and that creates more things I'm trying to "catch up on" or "finally finish". Chronic Pain + Depression = Constantly feeling like I'm playing catch up and that is something I'm currently trying to figure out how to handle, but that is yet another work in progress. Soooo because I've had a few people in the last month ask me if I'm still blogging (Thank you SO MUCH for asking! Knowing people are actually looking forward to these silly blogs) so I thought I'd just do a quick check in as I get my life in order.

Fat Girl Rock Bottom Updates:

• Zabrina is doing AMAZING!! The attitude and temper tantrums are a bit much (anybody else get embarrassed because their kid is rude as hell sometimes?) but she's so clever and funny it definitely makes up for it. I can't believe how fast she's growing and how quickly she's catching onto things. I really love watching her grow and develop her personality! She's literally the best thing I never knew I needed <3

• I'm selling Mary Kay now!!! I'm not active with it (yet) between everything else I've got going on I don't have much time to dedicate to the venture but I LOVE the product, I LOVE the idea of hosting the parties (OMG I can't wait to have my first in person parties!)

• PT is going GREAT! I was super blessed and had so much support last year I was able to continue going to personal use of the pool and equipment all the way up until the end of last year. I was really worried I'd have to stop going because the progress (even though slow) is absolutely amazing. Reading my posts from last year on FB and Snap chat and in Zabrina's 1 line a day diaries that I try to keep for her, I have made SO much progress.

• On top of all the generous donations to help me going for PT I had a whiff of amazingness back before Christmas. I had a secret Santa take care of the last few sessions I had, which was absolutely a blessing! I still don't know who that was but I appreciate it so much.

• I'm still at the 30 lb (ish) mark but have been making some HORRIBLE eating decisions, this will stop

• I did start smoking again, and stopped and started and stopped and started and ugh. Everytime I feel like I'm done, something keeps pulling me back which is super frustrating but I'll beat it, I really will.

• I attempted a new relationship, another poly one (more on that topic in a drafted blog that I'm still working on LOL) and it didn't work out like I planned or had hoped but I'm really proud of myself for being able to pick myself back up so fast (with the help of my support team of course) and get back to progressing my life. I'm SO proud of my ability to bounce back and my new found ability to stand up for myself when I don't feel like I'm being treated fairly (this has come into play in a few different areas of my life the last couple months, but that's yet another draft)

• I'm back to work! I've got 2 in person cases for my visitation job and have been managing to drive lyft on the weekend to make ends meet. Most people don't know but I didn't just hit rock bottom mentally and physically but financially. I almost lost my car and that was SCARY, but I'm glad for the situation, because I am in the process of overcoming it and it will just be another brick in the foundation of the woman I'm becoming.

• I started counseling. I didn't want to, but I know it will help. Part of me is like "This is really dumb, I'm an adult I don't need to talk about stupid feelings" But then on the other hand.. I don't know how to actually handle feelings or situations, I know how to push them aside and jump right back on the wagon. Now that I'm not working for a toxic employer who normalizes things like pushing employees to come in to drive a route because they are "short staffed" the day after my grandmother passed away, I'm learning to take the time I need to actually process things... and my counselor is a god send, even though my bully brain hates her and the immature part of me thinks she's lame... she took me straight through a million different areas of my attic of a brain (the place I box up and store feelings, emotions, memories etc until it gets over filled and I explode) right from the jump. This week I'm working on a "feelings wheel" (which Bug and I have actually made into Feeling flowers and they are currently painted and just need the different feelings painted on them and then pins to hang out pictures (which I need to pull out and find) so we can hang them on the feeling we are feeling. It sounds lame BUT at the very least... I'll learn how to identify MY feelings WHILE teaching Zabrina to identify hers <3

I think I touched on mostly everything I could for the time being and I've got a few more things to do before I get ready for PT (this 5 am stuff makes for a lot of time to accomplish things BUT I'm already ready for a nap and it's just after 9 Hahahahha)

Thank you to all my supporters, my stalkers (yea I see you watching my snap chat hahaha) and my haters for all the love and support as I continue down my journey! 2022 is already starting off SO fast but I'm making SO many moves <3

Until next time!!