05/02/2025- SKIRRRRT Evolution Time!

Stop! It's Evolution Time!!

Well, Well, WELL.... Little Miss Can't Keep Her Projects Straight has gone and switched up the entire game plan, last minute, AGAIN! HAHA GO FIGURE! Being that this level of the Glow Up is the ME era, and the audience I am intending this for is the FUTURE ME who will look back at the entire journey and be proud of every step of the way, when I had the most intrusive thought to delete my entire website and start over today hit... For the first time in my life I didn't consider what "they" would think, whoever the hell "they" are that I've been terrified of my entire life....

I've made the financial investment for the next year to have this site back and since money is such an important piece of the puzzle right now I'll be damned if I spend money that could have gone towards a future dream and let it go to waste.

So today I decided that on my breaks and lunch I would dedicate every free second into learning EVERYTHING I could about how Wix works and how to make changes myself.

Over the last 2 years I have slowly (VERY slowly) taught myself how to make graphics to match my blog posts, and in doing that I've picked up quite a few handy tips and tricks. When I started applying what I'd learned using Canva to the Wix website I was ASTOUNDED at how similar both of them were.

So as I switched manically between trying to plan content so I'm consistent and my money contribution wasn't a waste and watching instructional youtube vidoes while clicking every button known to man on this site... Something hit me.... WHAT IF I STARTED OVER?!

Like hear me out (we listen and we don't judge)… I have all these new tools, not just in web design but in life overall. I have life categories that I've learned to maintain WHILE Glowing Up in each one, and I'm so far on my way to living the life I want (and deserve) I can't WAIT to put it all down to share with ... well whoever takes the time to read it lol, but mostly my future self. So why not start from scratch and see where it goes?

….Because that’s almost 4 YEARS of my progress, and work that I’ve POURED into the development of Fat Girl Rock Bottom…. and because “they” will think I’m crazy… and because I’m terrified of fucking it up and looking like an idiot… and mostly because change scares the living shit out of me….

The Bully Brain started to take over. I started doubting this random idea that had all of a sudden ignited a flame inside of my heart, my mind and my soul. And the negative “what if’s” started to consume me…. Now normally this is the part of the journey that I get scared, shake off the new idea, and push to develop some kind of content to put out just so I can meet my personal deadline tomorrow… but this time was different.

This time I’m sick and tired of my self doubts and insecurities arming my bully brain with the weaponry to win the battle and slaughter something that caused an electric current to run through my entire existence just thinking about it… and this time… I breathed in for 4 seconds, then out for 4 seconds… a few times. I paid attention to the feeling of my feet grounded on the floor, my spine straight and my head up high. And then I opened the design tab on Wix and…..

5…4…3…2…1…GO (Thank you Mel Robbins!)… Section by section I started deleting the Fat Girl Rock Bottom Website.

As I watched each section dissapear there was a sinking feeling in my stomach and I thought I might actually throw up. I felt the anxiety run through my body and started to feel a little light headed. So again I used the 4 second breathing method and forced myself to think PAST the Bully Brain. To really dig deep and figure out why I had felt such a rush thinking about starting over… and then it hit me…

I was evolving… in real time…

Fat Girl Rock Bottom was where I WAS, in 2021 when my back gave out and I was told that my BMI was too high to attempt cortisone shots to help with the worst disc herniation of the 7 I had.

Fat Girl Rock Bottom was where I WAS when I hated myself so much that I tolerated every ounce of abuse, disrespect and mistreatment from SO many sources in my life.

Fat Girl Rock Bottom was where I WAS when I didn’t know how to even make my own logo for a project I was so passionate about, and when I had the belief that I was too stupid to ever learn how to do something so fancy.

Fat Girl Rock Bottom was where I WAS when I’d cry myself to sleep at night holding Zabrina close, clinging to her for any form of light I could find, as the intrusive Bully Brain thoughts of how horrible of a Mother I was consumed me for literally every reason possble.

Fat Girl Rock Bottom was where I WAS……

And just as I had that last thought I deleted the last section of Fat Girl Rock Bottom… and I sat there and stared at the screen… I thought I’d feel empty, or scared, or confused… but I was wrong…. Instead I grabbed a pen and paper (I’m old school like that) and I started writing where I AM now, while considering where I WILL be and I realized that I am NO longer at my Fat Girl Rock Bottom… but I am FULLY on my way through the levels of the Glow Up I’ve been working so hard to figure out how to accomplish… I AM in my Glow Up Vibery… and I instantly recognized the remarkable differences from just 4 years ago…

Glow Up Vibery is where I AM… in PT twice a week, focusing on doing all the physical things I need to in order to strengthen muscles and correct the back issues, and loving every step of the slow journey.

Glow Up Vibery is where I AM… falling so in love with myself that I can’t and mostly WON’T tolerate ANY ounce of disrespect or mistreatment. Where I set boundaries that are healthy for my wellbeing and keep my peace protected at all costs.

Glow Up Vibery is where I AM… learning so many different skills and life tricks that I’m literally not only making my own logos for my website, but have been asked to create for others, and even as of late asked by my manager to create a project for our team at work (which I accepted despite the thoughts in my head that I won’t be able to keep up or produce content good enough).

Glow Up Vibery is where I AM… able to recognize that even though I’m not perfect, or anywhere near it, I AM an amazing mother and I am worthy of the blessing of being the mother of such an amazing little human, and just the way she looks at me validates how deep of bond I have with her and speaks volumes for the kind of Mother I really AM.

Glow Up Vibery is where I AM… NOT where I WAS… and NOT where I’m GOING…..

So with this totally uncut, sat down and let my fingers just type whatever they wanted without editing or second guessing, ignored the Bully Brain telling me that this probably sounds like a whole bunch of rambled garbage, blog post….

I welcome you to the EVOLUTION from Fat Girl Rock Bottom…. to…. The Glow Up Vibery….

I can’t WAIT to share with you the deepest of secrets I have witheld for the last 4 years and show you how I have emerged from the lowest points of Rock Bottom I’ll ever be at to hitting level after level of the Glow Up… and I can’t WAIT to find out WITH you how this journey turns out… because I’m SO excited for life right now I can’t even begin to imagine ANY outcome outside of the life I’ve always dreams of, but never felt worthy of.