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Chuck E Cheese? Yes Please .

I can’t even tell you what this picture represents to me. I’ve been having a week of awful clasping in my back and Friday made the decision that because I’ve had some very generous people in my life help out, I'd take advantage of the opportunity and go to PT for personal use of the pool for the 2nd time this week. As I was dropping off my little bundle of sass my mom says "Oh hey don't forget tonight is Chuck E Cheese night for the girls." "Oh shit" mumble and my adorable mom says "Don't worry about the money Angie, it's okay we've got it for you guys" I force a smile and say "Okay thanks Mom! I really appreciate that, can't wait to go". As I walk to the car my back feels like it's nagging ... clenching tighter with every step. I try to shift my body and pay focus to my core (PT has sure taught me the value of the core!), yep it's tight. "How the fuck am I going to last the rest of the day and then not embarrass myself trying to keep up with bug at Chuck E Cheese" I think to myself.

I get to PT and the front desk lady who is always so inspiring and a genuine ray of sunshine greets me and I instantly feel pride in my decision to show up. I go through my stretches and my back starts to feel better, it always does in the pool. I do some core strength training and then laps back and forth on the noodle. I feel great when I leave, it typically always feels good now that I understand that pushing myself too far is just as dangerous as doing nothing. And this time I felt extra great because I was able to pay for enough sessions to bump them back up to twice a week until the 1st week of December, AND I'm excited that it seems to have helped and I will at the very least be able to go with to watch Zabrina's reaction to everything.

We get to Chuck E Cheese and I notice my back is pretty tight but I can't help but follow Zabrina from ride to ride as she smiles and laughs enjoying them. 3 hours we were there. 3 hours I chased her, played skee ball with Ziva, and played Ninja turtles with Layna. 3 Hours I was mostly up and on the go, and I was secretly worried about what the night would bring. But we got home, I took one of my pain meds and I jumped in a super hot shower (after getting Zabrina in Pjs and ready for bed). The upper part of my back gave sharp pains as I moved, my hips felt like they were on fire, and right in the middle of my lower back (lumbar) felt like there was a giant iron robot pushing against it with full force (I'm really horrible at trying to explain the feelings in my back). But as I sat in the hot shower. Reflecting on the day, I break down in tears. Not from the pain, from the fact I did it. I DID IT!!! I was there to see Zabrina run around. I pushed myself to take action when my back became unbearable. I knew what to do. And most importantly... I was able to make memories!! I was present for the selfie, and the tantrum at the end. I was there to lift her when her little foot got stuck in the fire truck, and when she got frustrated she couldn't throw the little kid basketballs high enough to get in the hoop. I was there to make sure she ate enough before she went back to play, and I was there to get the stamp that assured a stranger wouldn't be able to leave with her. I WAS THERE... and back in March when I felt so helpless, so lost, so unimportant, so much like the back pain would just keep getting worse and there was nothing I could do about it, felt like the biggest failure as a mother because I had let myself get to the point I couldn't even change Zabrina's diaper most of the time without being in pain. I had over come ALL of that.. and I got the blessing of getting to be that parent running ragged at Chuck E Cheese. This was just another victorious step in my ever changing journey, and I have found the excitement again to continue.

As always, thank you SO much to everyone on my team. The donations that have so generously been given leave me with an overwhelming feeling of gratitude, and given me almost 2.5 solid months of twice a week sessions. The memes, words of encouragement, and constant reminders of how proud of me people are and that I have so many amazing supporters in my corner. And the people that take the time to read my my content on any of my pages or blog, have reached out to ask questions or even my advice (hehehe I actually inspire people!?!? Can you believe that?!?! EEEK! I know I'm a dork and it's not like a HUGE deal BUT I INSPIRE PEOPLE?!?!) or leave comments, likes and subscribes.... Thank you to every single person who holds a special place in their thoughts and lives for my daughter, myself and our journey.

~~ Angie

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