2022 Wrap UP Intro to Gentle(ish) Parenting 💜

Holy Shit.

That's literally all I can think of when I think of the past year. I faced so many demons, insecurities, past trauma, current confrontation, my back being a pain, the ups and downs of changing health habits, shit life threw at me, dealing with the consequences of my own poor decisions, figuring out that my priorities are all out of whack and it's effecting how Zabrina is raised and the relationships that I have with people I genuinely love and care about, being a mom to a 3 year old, and owning 2 of my own businesses all while trying to figure out wtf I'm actually doing. I'm going to blog more next year. I'm going to do a lot of things next year. 2023 is the year of Consistency for Me! Heh clever, I know. But next year you can plan to see a weekly FGRB update with weight check, wins, loses, etc, a monthly topic blog (such as the one I'm going to give you below) and if I have time some extra pieces here and there!

So let's start with what has been the most rewarding. Momming a 3 year old. I swear I don't know for certain if Zabrina loves me and I'm the best Mommy ever, or if she hates me and wants to pack her bags and live at the Grandparents. It's seriously so up and down with emotions, decisions, favorites, wants, needs, etc I literally can't keep up. BUT I keep looking at it like here's my chance. She doesn't even know what these emotions she is feeling are, and for darn sure doesn't know how to handle them. So this is it... this is the moment in life that I set the stage for the rest of her life. I can handle this situations in so many different ways it's scary, and it's hard to choose an action on the spot and under pressure. It's literally like being forced to make it to the end of a choose your own ending book with a bucket of elephant poop hanging above you connected to the timer just waiting to drop if you make the wrong choice.

I could get upset when she throws her clothes at me screaming "I don't want to wear these stupid clothes" , spend the little bit of time I'll get with her that morning yelling and saying damaging things, and then tell her to knock it off when we pull up to Nana and Grampas and started having a full on screaming, crocodile tear filled meltdown because she all of a sudden decided that she in fact DID want the toy shark I specifically asked her if she wanted to take and she very rudely said "No because you're rude". I could force her out of the car and watch her stamp up to my parent's door. I could yell "I still love you" and get no response or worse.. the death glare that lets me KNOW that she heard me and is CHOOSING not to respond to me. I could leave for work with both of use feeling 100 emotions and NOTHING being resolved.

--- Or ---

I could respond to her clothes throwing with gentle words, comforting the fact that she's clearly mad but making her understand that I still love her. Be late to work because I move slowly and care only about her feelings and making sure her feelings are validated. Gently pick her up and carry her to the grandparents door (making me more late) while she screams and cries, kicking and swinging almost causing me to slip with both of us ending hurt but finally manage to get her into the house, Kiss her sweet little forehead and say "I love you" while she glares at me the entire duration of the above mentioned process. I still leave for work with both of us having 100 emotions and still nothing being resolved.

--- OR ---

I could throw the clothes back at her and say "We don't throw our clothes what the hell are you thinking?", Struggle to get her dressed but manage to leave on time, explaining calmly to her that I understand that she's upset for some reason and doesn't want to talk about it and we still have things that need to be handled in a timely manner, and encourage her to talk to Grandma or Grandpa about what's bothering her or maybe come back and talk about it with me after we handle our responsibilities and take some time to calm down. Pull up to the grandparents house and look at her in the back seat and try to negotiate and make her understand that I understand that she said no to the shark because she was mad at me, but her actions caused her to not have the shark and even though it sucks the good news is the shark could keep our bed company to make sure the cat doesn't mess up our blankets again. Watch the smile spread across her face, help her get out of the car and hold her hand as we walk up to Grandmas, give her a giant understanding hug and kiss and look her in the eye and say "Zabrina, I love you VERY very much much and even though we were both mean to each other this morning, we are going to have a way better day, I'm sorry I got frustrated with you, I was angry that you started throwing things and I forgot to take a breath and think before I reacted, I'm sorry" and then watch the tension in her little face fade and hear her say "Well I do wish I had that shark toy" *shrugs her shoulders and half smiles "Hmm but it's okay, I can play with it when I get home, and I wasn't really mad when I threw my clothes Mommy, I was sad" I'd look at her with a confused expression "What do you mean Zabrina? I thought you were mad that you didn't want to change out of pajamas what do you mean you were sad?" and she'd says "MoooooOOOoooMMMM" (ugh she's too sassy sometimes) "No, I already knew we had to change my clothes you said it a hundred times, I was sad because you have to work the whooooollllleeeee day so I was going to miss you"

This is a real event that happened not that long ago, and I choose option C (in case you couldn't tell lol) and these situations literally happen hourly!! I call it Gentle(ish) Parenting (I really need to get some info on copyright shit because I literally am planning to write a full on book called that eeeeek). I can't always just take her feelings into a time consuming ordeal, I don't always have time to even try to process my own thoughts let alone play emotional Charades with my miniture sized version of myself who doesn't even know what the feelings she's feeling is called, and I for absolute sure have to fight the urge to yell or spank or slam things, or stomp my own feet when she just won't listen. Because just as I'm teaching her how to handle her emotions in a healthy way, I'm also learning how to cope with mine.

I make mistakes ALL THE TIME.

I'm not the most gentle mom out there. I do always keep her feelings in the back of my mind and I feel like I'm doing a really good job at keeping the balance, but I feel that I have such a unique way of looking at things like punishment, understanding etc that I want to share with more people my thoughts and the things I've learned with Zabrina.

I'm not a therapist (yet) I'm not a doctor (ever) everything I present to you in this area of my life and come up from Fat Girl Rock Bottom is 100% my own opinions and if it helps you great, if it doesn't well thanks for reading! If you have questions or want more blogs like this one make sure to subscribe and send me a request <3

Also make sure to follow me on all social media platforms (I'm most active on TikTok but I take a million years to answer messages) @FatGirlRockBottom and if you'd like to contribute to my struggle to make it to my glow up make sure to check out the how to help out section <3