My Mother: The Woman Who Started It All

My mother is the glue that holds my life together. She has always faced life's bullshit cards with such bravery and strength I can't even fathom how she holds it all together like she does, and one day I pray that I'm half the mother she is. My mom has put up with so much from me that there are days I wonder why she didn't just throw in the towel, because embarrassingly I haven't been the best daughter in the world.

Our upbringing wasn't easy, my parents faced financial struggles and came from a generation that speaking about mental health wasn't just frowned upon, it was a punishable offense. My mother wasn't handed a silver spoon or even a fair leg in the race of life, however she hits the finish line with everything she's got in any marathon life throws her way, and somehow managed to always be a guiding light in the dark scary world.

Her sense of humor is the cutest thing you will ever see, however her inability to actually be mean takes from her jokes because if she even feels like she's hurt a feeling or touched a nerve she immediately apologizes. I appreciate her for this, but sometimes her jokes are so funny there's no way they can be mistaken as disrespect, and if they are.... who cares? They are funny!

My Mom has a way of comforting about her as well. Sometimes in my scariest of moments she can calm me simply by walking in the room. And she has this effect on any room she walks into.. And has long as I can remember. My Mom is understanding, even in times that I literally couldn't understand how she didn't see through the bullshit some people brought her.

I never understood how she could sit with a warm smile and deliver comforting words to co-workers who were clearly, what I thought, using their sob stories to either get out of trouble or get out of working. Either way it would sometimes anger me because in my head she was being fake.

I would get frustrated with my mom, like so frustrated it would make my blood boil, at how nice she always was. No matter what my mom had going on, or how few people cared enough to ask before interrupting her breaks or busting through her office door, Mom carried the same level of understanding and compassion she did with my child hood friends that would hurt my feelings because they would rather spend our hang out time talking to her about their deepest secrets and toughest to handle situations.

But part of me was jealous of that kindness, I wanted people to trust me the way they do her, and that is a staple in the woman I'm building within myself. All that jealousy, anger, and mis-understanding has been worked through and I see the golden light of what my mother brings to the table, and I will forever appreciate her for that.

Now let's talk about her with my daughter, her granddaughter. My best friend in this entire lifetime was my Grandma, she was my safe space when "Mom and Dad were mean" or when the world showed me its ugly colors. She was my guidance through all muddled situations, because you can't talk to the parents who can ground you after finding out you have over active taste buds in a late night ER visit because weird spots had formed just hours after your first kiss, along with so many other secrets she held. My Grandmother was EVERYTHING to me that I didn't see in my Mother until well after my grandma passed. THIS is the relationship I want for Zabrina and my Mom. This safety, these memories, these joyous childhood adventures. And so far.... my Mom is NAILING the grandparent role even better than she did the parent role and my heart and soul couldn't be happier.

Today we celebrate her birthday, and I wanted to make sure to take a minute to say.... Thank you Mom, for everything I didn't know you were, everything I didn't understand growing up, for all you do for me now, and for being such an incredible Grandma. Happy Birthday to the Queen that planted so many seeds within me and provided me with the best possible childhood you were able to. Today you deserve to be celebrated. I love you with everything I am.