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Fat Girl Friday Birthday Slim Down - Week 7 - 06/09/2023

Fat Girl Friday Update:

Starting Weight: 312 (April 28th weight in)

Last Week's Weight: 308.8

This Week's Weight Goal: 284

Thie Week's Actual Weight: 305.5

Week's Weight Difference: -3.3

Birthday Slim Down Weight Difference: -6.5

Mental Health: This week was rough. I had quite a few situations arose that made me question myself, as a parent, as a sister, as a friend, as a daughter, and basically as a woman in general. The Bully brain was rampant as ever and it was literally exhausting. This caused it to be extremely easy to off track with my goals or even remember why I was so ambitious these last few months. But I'm doing it. I'm constantly giving my negative thoughts the middle finger and FLOODING my brain with positive thoughts. Even if I don't fully believe the positive thinkings, I make a point to stop myself and force the good to shine through. I know it'll be better, this is just a small window of my bigger timeline and I cling to that with all my might.

NSV (Non-Scale Victories):

My favorite NSV this week was having the ability and opportunity to take my parents to lunch with Zabrina and me. I don't get enough quality time with them, and the little bit I do get is fogged with work, kids, appointments, karate (hehe my nieces are little ninjas!), the dog, the evil cat, the fish, dishes, laundry etc etc etc so it's never really quality time. I just adore the relationship that Zabrina is building with each of them. She is Grandpa's little mini me and a Grandma's girl through and through. And the way my parents light up when they interact with Zabrina... I can't even express in words the peace it brings me. We may not always see eye to eye (hence why my Dad insists the bananas are findable 7.8 feet back on the shelf LoL) but truth be told, I'm SO thankful I was blessed with parents that allowed me the freedom to be who I'm becoming while holding my hand while I learn how to walk in each phase of the journey.

I joined the Y!!! With this comes SO many accomplishments, and that was just walking in the door. I'm walking away from my comfort zone (thanks Magicians for teaching me some of your magic, but the universe is screaming at me it's time to get uncomfortable so I can get re-comfortable), I'm incorporating Zabrina (and Ziva and Layna) into my health journey, I've talked confidently with multiple staff at the Y (most of you wouldn't guess this but I used to walk up and down every aisle of Walmart before I'd face my overwhelming anxiety of just asking someone that works there when I can't find something), I not only showed up but I showed the freak out by killing my calorie burned goal, AND I've not only taken Zabrina in the pool (a secret fear of mine.. all I can think about is how one mishap and it's a devastating outcome that I've seen on SO many news stories) but I also allowed her space to learn to float and maneuver her body in the water WITHOUT giving in to the urge to hold her close or get out early because I'm too afraid... and the outcome of battling all this was PHENOMENAL.. Once I backed off a bit and showed her that I could trust her... she started trusting herself and became so comfortable by the 2nd day (yes we went 2 days in a row even though the 2nd I woke up with every muscle in my body burning!) we were racing each other and chasing each other and then... she grabbed onto my shoulders and wrapped her legs around me and said "Come on Mom carry me to the deep end!". I panicked for a second... she'll add more weight, I'm not strong enough, what if I push it and end up in bed for the next two weeks because I madden my spine... I took a deep breath...I shook my head to signal my brain that we weren't doing this today... I straightened my spine and held my core tighter than I ever have... and I walked then water ran (PT move I'll explain some day) to the deep end.. and all I could feel was the warmth of pride wash over me as I heard her little giggle... and guess what... even tonight as I sit here after all that AND an out of town visit, I'm resting at about a pain level 6 and I haven't even had to take my pain meds yet. The way is not a game changer, it's a game ender. Game Over Bully Brain, I know my worth and my limits, you don't stand a chance.

I WORE A DRESS WITH NO PANTS AND NO FEELING CONSCIOUS! On Tuesday I only had transport cases and a virtual so I found it a GREAT time to slide into a dress that used to fit like a big shirt and would be worn as such... but this time.. NO PANTS!! I felt GREAT walking around feeling so free and so girly. I didn't even do full makeup and I felt so secure it was insane!

Doing typical chores, like making the bed everyday, are becoming second nature. Even if I only manage to straighten the sheets and blankets right before bedtime, at least it's done. And this mindset change is not only one of the hardest to focus on, but also the most rewarding.

I managed to make it through the most hours I've worked in a week since my back went wacky on me, and I only had 1 night that was bad enough to bring tears, and this is a hell of an improvement.

After a rather long work visit that included 4 hours of transporting and 3 hours of visiting, I was still off early enough to take Zabrina to see the new Little Mermaid movie (which was GREAT in my opinion) but I comfortably cuddled with Zabrina AT THE MOVIE when she got so terrified of Ursula she jumped into my lap for safety. And for the first time in my motherhood with her I actually FELT like I'm capable of not only meeting her needs and protecting her but of giving her safety and calmness within such a hectic world. I'm praying these new moves on my part are helping to battle her bully brain before it's even had a chance to develop.

New Habits Started : Still no soda or 5 hour energy shots! I've got Ketones back on deck and my Isotonix Women's essentials are truly helpful in pushing through this negative moment. I haven't missed a day on the essentials and my body and my mind is really showing it. I'm more focused than ever, I'm able to recognize my body's "help me" signs" , and I've managed to put my mental and physical health at the top of the agenda.


Old Habits Ended: I don't repeat myself. I have discovered that a big part of my problems in life stem from me always looking for ways to be there for people who don't return that motion. I make excuses for other's poor treatment of me and go WAY out of the way to focus on the good in others, when I wasn't spending an ounce of that energy in finding the good in me. That changed. Regardless of what was going on I kept to my priority agenda... Zabrina, myself, family, work, friends, parenting, writing, content creating, etc etc each got their own dedicated time without letting things (like arguing with the BD about why I'm not going to re-arrange our schedule to accommodate time for him to see Zabrina when there has literally been 3 times in 5 years that he actually came through) trump what's really important (me spending actual time with Zabrina while staying on top of our other responsibilities), and this has opened my life up so much for activities that add to the quality of our life.


Mishaps and Oopsies: Where do I start? I'm not even tracking my food intake right now, and haven't successfully eaten properly all week. I went back to not eating during the day (lack of energy, time and resources because I didn't properly plan to have food items on deck), and binging when I wake up starving at 2 am. I know it's not healthy, but with everything else going on I'm not going to be too hard on myself, just acknowledge that I'm not making the best decisions and strive to do better each day.

"You don't have to be the best, you just have to be consistently better" <-- The note I left myself on June's wall calendar to remind myself.. it's okay for things not to be perfect, it's not okay to give up and stay stagnant.


Until next time... Stay hydrated, Stay humble.

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