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Fat Girl Friday - 04/26/2024 - Week 17 - Just Because Life Sucks …

Doesn’t mean you have to be miserable.




Everybody who’s known me for more than a couple years knows this is my life motto. This was my senior quote and above everything else …. This was the best advice I’ve ever been given in life.


The day my dad had his stroke was a real eye opener for me, and probably a couple others in my family. I woke up super early, tinkered around with putting together a temporary closet that didn't even fit where I was hoping it would. I kind of threw an adult tantrum, spent a few minutes laid down with my heating pad and decided to get up and go drive lyft, because the money would be good and they had a promotion going that weekend. I kind of dilly dallied and finally about noon I finished up the virtual visit notes I had and headed out the door. I signed into lyft and instantly got a ding that there was a rider waiting, I happily accepted it and thought to myself "Wow that was quick, this is going to be a great day" As I approached my car my phone rings and it was my mom. I almost didn't answer it, because typically she's calling with either something I forgot of Zabrina's or something super cute that Zabrina or the girls have done, and I only had about 12 minutes before I'd be at the customer's house, but I answered it out of pure instinct.


"Hey uhh what's your schedule look like today?" Mom said calmly but I could sense something wasn't right


"I'm not sure Mom, I'm just driving lyft though and just got a trip request, if you need I can cancel it?" I questioned


"No, it's okay I just have to take your Dad to the hospital and need someone here with the girls" She said still calm, but clearly thinking a million words a minute


"Mom that's dumb, I'm down the block I'll be there in a minute, what's wrong?"


"I don't know, he's acting really weird, I don't think it's good"


Before she finished her sentence I was pulling up to the house and got out of my car without saying anything.


I walked into the house and my Mom was getting her things and giving direction to the girls to behave for Auntie (Mom for Zabrina) as my Dad was coming down the stairs.


I almost with I didn't see him. I'll never ever forget the grey color to his face, the fact his cheeks were so sunken I didn't recognize him, and more evident the fact the left side of his face wasn't functioning.


"Fuck it's a heart attack" I thought to myself fighting the tears while trying to keep myself from shutting down because I knew the girls would all be watching me.


After what seemed like an eternity it was determined that my Dad had a stroke, but lucky enough he sensed it and my Mom got him to the hospital fast enough for them to administer what they called the miracle drug, which stopped any further damage. My Dad was in the hospital a few days and it gave the entire family time to reflect and really take in what life would be like if my Dad wasn't there.


It took everything out of me not to focus on the bad, he almost died. I felt like I hadn't accomplished a damn thing he was proud of, and more so I never took the time to really let him know how great of a father I think he is, especially considering the hand life dealt him. It would have been so easy to dwell.... but sitting on my parent's couch and watching those girls play I flashed back to when I was 17....


It was just a few days after Deshaun had passed away. Aside from going to the bathroom and maybe eating enough to throw up without losing my intestines I had imprisoned myself to my bed. I couldn't function. I couldn't feel anything joyous because I felt like that was betraying the loss of my son. I couldn't talk to anyone because I just didn't feel like it. My Dad came downstairs to switch laundry (I was in the basement and shared the space with the washer and dryer) and when he said "Hope you're decent" as he always did, I replied with barely a grunt to acknowledge that I was. After he moved the laundry from the washer to the dryer and began filling the washing machine he said "You know what Angie, just because life sucks doesn't mean you have to be miserable", he started the washer and walked back upstairs without saying another word.


I sat there in silence, the words replaying over and over. I started thinking about how my parents had lost my little brother Damian when I was just 3 years old, and my thoughts took me to a place that I realized if my parents had done what I was when they lost him, I would have been robbed so many amazing memories and my next 3 little brothers wouldn't have been a thought. They had to pull it together and move forward with life (not on, but forward). And if BOTH of my parents were able to pull themself out of this dark place and managed to not be miserable every single day since my brothers death, I could probably do the same. And I made the decision that I would go back to school the next day.


Flash back to sitting on the couch with the girls, they were playing and having fun while I was off on a trip down memory lane. They were laughing. I normally would feel a level of anger at that... how can you laugh when we might be losing Grandpa? But those famous words of my Dad's replayed in my head "You know Angie, just because life sucks doesn't mean you have to be miserable" and without another thought I scooted myself down onto the floor and said "All right ladies what are we playing while we wait for Grandma and Grandpa?"


Bad things are going to happen, it's inevitable, death will happen, unexpected bills will happen, hospital trips will happen, mental and physical illness will happen, car problems will happen. All of it. And sometimes, during really unlucky moments in life they will all happen at the same time. But sitting and dwelling on the things you can't change does 2 things.... stops you from continuing on and creating great memories, and stops you from being able to focus on the parts you can actually handle.


I'm not saying it's not okay to grieve, or that you have to "get over it" in a set amount of time, but what I am saying is you can't just stop. Not for any amount of time that is going to damage your future. You can't just be miserable or the rest of your life will be a waste and any plans you have for the future will be halted, and trust me starting over will be way harder the longer you let your progress stop.


My best advice is to keep in mind, "Just Because Life Sucks, Doesn't Mean You Have To Be Miserable". Find something you find joy in: video games, coloring, reading, writing, anything healthy and take the time to really enjoy them, if even for just a couple of minutes a day. This will help you stay as far out of the dark place as possible as well as allow you to feed your mental with things that remind you the world doesn't end at one bad chapter, and neither do you.

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5 Comments


Brie E
Brie E
May 02

Fantastic post! I love you so much.

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Replying to

Love you too!!! Thank you <3

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PrpleChic
PrpleChic
Apr 26

Big hugs to you, my strong, brave, beautiful sister!!!

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Replying to

Big hugs right back! I really appreciate your support! You're a big reason I've learned to have a backbone!

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