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07/15/2023 - Well I Biffed It.... Y'all Probably Called That One...



So not only did I NOT hit my birthday weight loss weight goal, I also didn't even weigh in NOR did I post a blog. And this is typically how any goal I ever set myself happens. Except there's a big difference now...


I DONT FEEL DEFEATED....


Instead of feeling like a complete failure, and like there's really no point in setting any more goals, forgiving myself by allowing myself the rest of the calendar year to "prepare" for next year.... I'm fucking proud of where I am!! I have SO many accomplishments, just from the last few months of this "slim down" I can't even take the time to list them all. But I've set boundaries, I've upheld boundaries, I faced fears, I balanced the healing of my back and the pushing of progress in a way that only left me completely down for a few of the days the entire time, I not only put my family and Zabrina time higher priority than work or other life tasks (while recognizing when one needed more attention than the other and NOT beating myself up for having to tip the scales either way), I've made SO MANY memories with Zabrina and some of the closest people in my life, and I managed to stay more on top of my work tasks (even my reports that are notoriously late). So honestly.. I don't really care what the scale would have said yesterday had I stepped on it.


What Next?!?!?!


So now I sit here in a half way put together room that I share with my daughter, I see the piles of material items that have made it through all the cuts, I see the empty containers I worked so hard to be able to afford that will hold all of our items, I hear Zabrina starting to drift in and out of sleep as some silly kid show plays, and I can't help but think... so I fell off... this is where I normally give up.. I don't have the weekly slim down post drafts that encourage me to force myself to sit down at the computer (or whatever device I am friends with) and actually put effort into sharing a journey I'm on.... So what next? Then it hits me.... "You level up, Stupid" ... what the fuck? My Bully Brain is actually initiating the next step of the journey, in a jerkish but helpful way?


What kind of mental break through is this? And why do I have a burst of motivation that runs lists and lists of projects that I've been working on in conjunction with all the above mentioned accomplishments (and the accomplishments I didn't have time to list, but if you follow any of my social media accounts, you've seen them) ... Why do I feel hopeful, instead of overwhelmed? I mean just 6 hours ago I was taking a mommy and me bath with Zabrina, washing her hair, as tears streamed down my face because I was behind in my reports on the day they are due, I have an invoice due tomorrow, I have 2 more cases to get set up and need to stay on top of those, I don't know if I have enough money to cover the gas for the new case I took for work (It'll pay hella nice, but I have to have the vehicle and the gas to do the work), our room is a dysfunctional wreck, and it all had me overwhelmed... but now... a few hours later and I feel almost proud of myself for pulling myself out of that spiral.... I feel ready... I feel excited... I feel like I'm SO glad I never gave in to the Bully Brain and robbed myself the opportunity to experience this feeling I'm having now.


I am simply proud. Of everything. And I fucking love the woman I'm building, the squad that the universe is bringing me, the opportunities I'm being blessed with, the journey of motherhood, and every single hurdle I've had (and will have to) jump to get to the life I can now see in my dreams...


Hold on tight y'all... My next trip around the sun is going to be a roller coaster of new experiences, new accomplishments, new failures, new fears, new strengths.... everything from the highest peak, to everything in the lowest low... except this time... I've got a few tricks to make the coaster even out because I've learned how to be the operator and the passenger of my carnival ride of a life...


As always... thank you to everyone who has rocked with me and held me down since the absolute Rock Bottom... we're only going to advance from here <3


~Stay humble, Stay hydrated, Stay Blessed~

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